


Ribs

by maraudquxxrs



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst with no happy ending, M/M, Sharing a Bed, Some Fluff, and a tiny bit of smut thrown in, cause wow, it's go big or go home, please check the description for all the content warnings, sharing a bed trope, when i write angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-13
Updated: 2020-01-13
Packaged: 2021-02-27 10:07:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,103
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22235314
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/maraudquxxrs/pseuds/maraudquxxrs
Summary: Almost twenty-five years of Sirius and Remus sharing a bed.Content Warnings: Abuse, self-harm, underage alcohol consumption, major character death, and suicidal thoughts. Brief descriptions of insomnia, eating disorders, and depression.
Relationships: Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Comments: 1
Kudos: 63





	Ribs

_“You're the only friend I need,_

_sharing beds like little kids,_

_laughing 'til our ribs get tough,_

_but that will never be enough.”_

The first time Sirius and Remus shared a bed, it was November of their first year, about two weeks after Sirius’s birthday, and well, it wasn’t actually a bed. They had been up half the night with their friends in the common room, and were too exhausted (read: lazy) to go up to their dorm and decided to sleep on one of the couches.

“Hey, Remy,” Sirius said from his side of the couch when he realized that they were the last ones awake.

“Yeah,” Remus replied, yawning.

“Don’t tell James but I think you’re my best friend,” Sirius whispered. He nudged the other boy softly with his foot.

“I know that you’re my best friend, Si.”

Sirius smiled and said, “Night Remy.”

“Goodnight Si.”

They woke up the next morning with their legs tangled together and both blushed deeply.

They didn’t talk about it.

* * *

The first time that Sirius and Remus shared a bed after Remus told them that he was a werewolf, it was a couple of days before the full moon, and the early effects of the full moon were making Remus irritable.

“Are you okay, Remy?”

“No,” Remus said angrily, “I’m not.” He turned to Sirius forcefully, and barely noticed as the other boy took a step back. “I’m not fucking okay. I’m so hot that I feel like I’m fucking suffocating, I’ve scratched my skin raw, and I can’t fucking sleep. It’s not good enough that I turn into a monster every month, I have to deal with side effects.”

Sirius was trembling by the end of Remus’s speech, but he still took a step forward, taking the other boy’s hand. “I have some itching salve and well, I’m always cold, so I’m sure I could cool you down if we, ya know,” he trailed off.

“Are you suggesting we cuddle, Sirius,” Remus asked.

Sirius nodded. “And if you still can’t sleep, we can just talk all night.” I just want to help you.

“Okay,” Remus said. He nodded. “Are you sure, though?”

“I’ll go get the itching salve.”

* * *

The first time Sirius and Remus shared a bed in their second year, Remus asked him a question.

“Do your parents hit you?”

Sirius looked terrified when Remus asked him that. He tried to cover himself up, tried to hide, which told Remus everything. “They do, don’t they?”

Sirius looked so ashamed when he nodded in the affirmative. “I didn’t want anyone to know.”

“Can I see,” Remus asked, feeling really weird about it. “I just want to know how bad it is.”

Sirius hesitated for a moment, but lifted up his shirt, and Remus immediately saw scars and bruises lining the other boy’s hips and ribs, and as Sirius kept lifting his shirt, he followed the marks all the way up to the boy’s collarbone.

Tears sprung his eyes. “Merlin,” he breathed.

“Please don’t tell anyone.”

Remus ignored what Sirius said and whispered, “I should go get the bruise salve from the bathroom. It will help clear some of this up. Hopefully.”

A few minutes later, they were sitting on Sirius’s bed, and Remus was rubbing the salve into the bruises all over his friend’s torso. He tried not to react at how bad the injuries were, but let out a small gasp when he saw the thin scars lining Sirius’s wrist. But he didn’t say anything.

His friend needed help and he didn’t want to have to make any promises that he couldn’t keep.

* * *

The first time that Remus and Sirius shared a bed after Sirius and Marlene got together, Sirius said, “I don’t think I love her. But I think I could.”

And Remus didn’t understand.

“If you don’t love her, shouldn’t you break up with her,” he asked. He didn’t like Sirius being with Marlene, and he definitely didn’t like it if Sirius wasn’t happy.

“I don’t think she loves me either. But the relationship makes sense,” Sirius said, biting his lip.

“I don’t think it makes sense,” Remus replied.

“Well, who do you think I should be with,” Sirius asked.

A few images of him and Sirius tangled together in each of their beds flashed through Remus’s mind, but he shook his head. It was a stupid idea. They couldn’t be together.

“I don’t know. I think we’re too young to be in love.”

Sirius shook his head, and they stopped talking about it.

* * *

The first time Sirius and Remus shared a bed after Sirius realized that he liked Remus, they didn’t talk much.

It was after James, Peter, and Kingsley had gone to bed, and Sirius just slipped into bed beside Remus, who was reading an old muggle novel by wand light.

“You okay,” Remus asked him, worried.

“Couldn’t sleep,” he replied. “Figured you wouldn’t mind if I slept with you tonight. I always fall asleep easier when I’m with you.” He snuggled more into the bed.

“Of course you can,” Remus said, setting down his book and wand. He laid his head down next to Sirius’s. “I couldn’t sleep either.” He moved closer to Sirius before closing his eyes and falling asleep.

“I love you, Remy. I wish I could tell you that.”

* * *

The first time that Sirius and Remus shared a bed at James’ house, Remus cried so hard that it was difficult to breathe.

“I wish you didn’t have to go back. I wish I could just steal you away and we could run away and you would never have to go back there again,” he said, still crying.

“You know I have to go back. To check on Reggie.”

“I know. I’m still worried though,” Remus replied.

“I’ll be okay. I always am.”

They both knew he was lying.

* * *

The first time that Sirius and Remus shared a bed while they were drunk, they sloppily kissed.

“This doesn’t have to mean anything,” Sirius said, his lips just a couple of millimeters away from Remus’. “It’s just kissing.” And he pulled the other boy to him.

Remus pulled away from the kiss, and said, “Yep. Just a little bit of snogging between friends. No big deal. No more talking though. Just kissing.”

Sirius’ eyes shot up, and he nodded excitedly. He began kissing Remus again, parting his lips happily when Remus swiped his tongue across his lips. He tasted like the vodka that Marlene had snuck from home.

The next morning, neither of them said anything about what had happened. After all, it wasn’t a big deal.

* * *

The first time Sirius and Remus shared a bed after Sirius became an animagus, Remus thanked Sirius over and over.

“Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you,” Remus said. “Thank you so much for doing this for me.”

Sirius laughed and said, “It was no big deal. I was just doing something that would help my friend.”

“It was more than that,” Remus said, glancing at Sirius’s lips quickly before looking into his eyes.

They almost kissed.

They didn’t kiss.

* * *

The first time Sirius and Remus shared a bed after they got together, they had both been crying.

“I missed you so much,” Sirius whispered, “I never should have done what I did. I’m so sorry.”

“I already forgave you, Si,” Remus said. “Now let me take a look at you. I know you haven’t been taking care of yourself.” He took a deep breath to prepare himself.

Sirius lifted his shirt and took it off swiftly, exposing the fact that his ribs were basically poking out of his skin and the long row of scars lining his arms. Remus choked over a sob, trying not to cry. He pulled Sirius close to him, and whispered, “You can’t keep doing this.”

“I know,” Sirius said. “I know I have a problem. But every time that something bad happens, it’s like I’m reliving everything bad that has ever happened to me over and over. And I feel like I’ll never be happy again.”

Remus kissed Sirius’ cheek and said, “It’ll be okay, Si. I promise. I’ll help you do whatever it takes to make sure you’ll be okay. But… you need to talk to somebody. Who isn’t me. McGonagall or whoever.”

“Okay,” Sirius said. “Kiss me again?”

Remus kissed him again.

* * *

The first time Sirius and Remus shared a bed after Regulus disappeared, Remus had carried him to bed all the way from the astronomy tower.

Sirius had almost jumped before Remus had found him. Remus couldn’t believe how close he had been to losing him.

He looked at Sirius, lying beside him and wished that life wasn’t so complicated. He wished he could just be young and in love with his boyfriend. He cried.

But when Sirius moved closer to Remus in his sleep, Remus had hope. Hope that everything would be okay.

And he fell asleep, his arms around Sirius.

* * *

The first time that Sirius and Remus shared a bed at Remus’s house, Sirius kissed Remus all over.

“Si,” Remus begged, “my parents are in the house.” Sirius smirked into the dip of Remus’ hip.

“You better be quiet then, Remy,” Sirius said innocently.

“I swear to Merlin, you don’t even like hooking up when James and Pete are in the dorm, but you’ll do this,” Remus said, moaning a little bit as Sirius kissed the inside of his thigh. Sirius glanced up at him, chuckling a bit.

“What can I say? Seeing you drive today was so hot,” Sirius said, shrugging. “And you didn’t seem to mind when I was stripping you bare a couple of minutes ago.”

“Trust me, I want this just as much as you do, Si. But I don’t want my mom hearing us have sex,” Remus cried out.

“Easy fix,” Sirius said, pulling out his wand and casting a silencing charm around the room. “Now you can scream out my name as loud as you want.”

* * *

The first time that Sirius and Remus shared a bed after getting their own apartment, they talked all night.

“I don’t feel that different, even though everything has changed,’ Sirius said, looking towards Remus.

“I get what you mean. We’ve graduated, we’re 18, we live together, but sometimes I feel like I’m that 11-year-old kid who was so nervous that he stuttered the first time he spoke to the boy that would become his boyfriend,” Remus said.

They laughed as they remembered that.

“I don’t know. I kind of wish we were still that young. Wish we could just be kids. I feel like we never got to just be kids, no worries in the world,” Sirius said.

“That was never going to happen.”

* * *

They shared a bed together hundreds of times after that, sometimes laughing, sometimes talking, sometimes completely silent. But most they cried.

War took everyone. Everything.

And eventually, it took them.

* * *

The first time Sirius and Remus shared a bed after Sirius escaped Azkaban, Remus mapped out Sirius’s body with his hands. He cried looking at all the scars. He thought of when they were young when his thumb grazed over Sirius’s most sensitive spots, the spots he used to kiss over and over.

“You should have come to me as soon as you broke out. I would have believed you,” Remus said, crying.

“I didn’t know that, Remy,” Sirius said.

“How could you ever think that I wouldn’t believe you,” he asked desperately, not understanding.

“I lost all hope in there,” Sirius said. “The hope that you would ever believe me was the first to go.”

* * *

The last time Sirius and Remus shared a bed together, they were in Grimmauld Place. They had just woken up, tangled up with each other, and Sirius had a bad feeling.

“Remy. If I don’t make it out of all of this alive…”

“Don’t say that,” Remus begged.

“I need to. If I don’t make it out alive,” Sirius continued, “Promise me something?”

“Anything.”

“Promise me you’ll never love anyone as much as love me,” Sirius said, tears streaming down his face.

“I promise,” Remus said, kissing Sirius.

“I love you.”

“I love you more.”

Sirius died later that same day.

* * *

The first time Remus went to bed alone after Sirius died, he felt empty. The bed felt empty, yes, but mostly, he felt empty. He felt like a huge hole had been carved into his chest. He wanted to die. Instead, he went to sleep.

And all of his dreams went back to the words they had exchanged just hours before it happened.

**Author's Note:**

> Can I curse myself for making me cry?


End file.
